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You are about to read premium content. Seriously, I should charge a fee for these tips. Well, back on Earth, I present to you the 3 Tips for Moving in to a Dorm:

Finally, my younger sister is a senior at UCONN. Academically, that means it's her last year and that she has reached ultimate maturity as a campus resident. (I think I am quoting the "we only drink 5x a week, so join the majority..." Campaign.) In the mind of a college girl, however, being a senior means you get great apartments with your own bathrooms. Bring in the color palette. My sister went through 3 different color palates today, ranging from the violent pink to a calm beach scheme. And thus, to prevent 3 trips to the return desk of Bed, Bath, & Beyond, I present the first tip:

TIP ONE: Always have your color palette ready before furnishing and decorating.

Now, to begin the day, I woke up at 8 A.M. Then, my mother came screaming through my door at 8:47 A.M. Okay, so maybe I like sleeping. I started to prepare breakfast, but then I learned we had arranged for a breakfast on the road at Lox, Stock, and Bagels. Fine... When we arrived at the bagel joint, I ordered an Iced Coffee. But, if any of my (few) readers know me well, they know I couldn't just order an Iced Coffee! It would have to be analyzed first. Sure enough, I find something worth reflecting upon. The small Coffee is $1.30, and the Iced Coffee is $1.50. "How ridiculous," I thought. Why should I pay twenty cents for ice, when I know they're going to rip me off anyway. Here's how the iced coffee system works: Nobody buys coffee on Wednesday except for some foreign girl studying for the bar exam, so there's lots of extra coffee. They stick it in a pitcher. Come Thursday, they fill a plastic cup with (94%) ice, then pour about 1 inch of coffee into the cup. Not only have you been ripped off, but you haven't gotten the caffeine intake that all Americans need (and deserve)! To show those tricky businessman who is boss, I ask for the ice in a separate container from the coffee. I was able to make 4 servings of Iced Coffee, and therefore...

TIP TWO: On a summer morning, ask for your Iced Coffee in two parts: one cup with ice, and one cup with coffee.

Fast forward to about 10:30 P.M. I'm done with my Buffalo Chicken Pizza, and we're just about to leave. I've been assigned the task of transporting two bags: one containing garbage, and one containing towels and miscellaneous linens from Bed, Bath, & Beyond. Obviously, one goes in the dumpster, and one goes in the car.

I can't really handle that.

I threw the Bed, Bath, & Beyond bag into the dumpster. A minute later, something strikes me as odd when I place garbage into our clean car. Uh-oh! I run back to the dumpster. Keep in mind--this is not an ordinary trash bin. Catering to like 100ish apartments, it was the size of a gas station. I climbed up the side to see if I could spot it from afar. No luck. My only remaining choice is to climb into the dumpster (yes, this is a true story), feet first. It was actually pretty easy, but then again, this is what college kids do for fun. (I obviously haven't hit that phase.) So there I am, a high schooler running around a giant dumpster looking for a bag that doesn't seem to exist. And on top of that, there are people coming down to throw trash into the bin, as well as a terrible odor. After a few minutes of digging, I find the bag and successfully return it to my now panic-stricken mother. It was all worth getting the bag back, but I lost a few hug opportunities :-(. Thus...

TIP THREE: Always look at the garbage that you think your holding before placing it into a trash bin.

I knew these would all be useful to my readers since they're so--err---common! Well, keep reading, because these tips could possibly improve next week.

Oh, and congrats to my da-da for receiving the "Best Doctor in Bristol-Southington Area" award from a local newspaper (see the page). Mazel Tov!